Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize