he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
there is glitter all over my balls
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
