the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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