You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
