Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
