We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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