I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
