Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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