wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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