So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
