I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
