I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
