Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
