The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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