then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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