Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Can Purell be used as lube?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
