in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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