Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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