I'm gonna have a badass scar
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
