I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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