see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
