My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
