My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think your dad took our porno
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
