My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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