I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
