You just made me feel so damn special
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize