I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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