1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
