i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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