What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
