he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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