You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
