His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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