mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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