why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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