I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
