K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
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