I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
