A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
