I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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