I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
