how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
