Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
