Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
