fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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