Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's blow job season.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
