thus making me awesome and them whores
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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