The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
false alarm. still invincible.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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