i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
