letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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