You work out of a Hotel?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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