i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sober January is a disaster.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
