she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
