You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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