We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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