2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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