SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I smell like Dick and happiness
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
