a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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