dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My vagina is very pro this idea
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
