My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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