remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
