Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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