My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
