Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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