I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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