You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I love you. Go after that dick
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
