i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
